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woe is me   
04:17pm 06/07/2005
 
mood: depressed
I have officially diagnosed myself with depression. THAT is why my life is so hard! That's why I like to cry, for no reason at all except that I should, because I'm emo. I wrote a poem about it.

My tears stain my sheets
and I can't stand the heat.
Sweating in hurt,
I feel like durt,
my heart is snapping in two
because I really love you.
It's black inside
and I think I may die;
with wishes unfulfilled
I will be killed
and you will all cry
when I shut my eyes.

I really like that one. I think I'll show it to my mom, and maybe she'll send me to therapy. I am SO sad right now.		  
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wodka   
11:19pm 04/07/2005
 
mood: drunk
ppppppppppppppppppI had 3 sips of my dad's vodka! I hope he doesn't notice!

I fink I'm drunk. And I'm not sad! I am so happy, and I can't stop giggling! Ew, I just drooled on the keyboard. Haha I hoe it isn't brooken!

Sometimes I think I want to have sex, but sometimes I dont wanna. I mean, you know, it might hurt, and my life is already painful, right? And I don't want to be pregant. Emo is all about being free. I think. I don't know, I've sort of forgotten.







fuuuuuck. I'm going to go sit on the roof! Naked!		  
     Read 2 - Post
 
day 3: My life is hell   
07:57pm 04/07/2005
 
mood: confused
music: sadness-the mud puppets
I want to just DIE right now! Eric called me and we talked for like an hour about our relationship, and he wants to break up! I mean, he thinks it's too hard to date when he's so far away, but it's not true. I write him letters every day! He doesn't write back as much, but I know he's busy with his job (he works the night shifts at Subway. He might be promoted to assistant manager soon!) So I cried for a long time, and I really begged him to reconsider, so he said he would think about it and we could talk in a few days about it. I love him sooo much, he is my life, except for poetry of course, and my band. I would be a lost, wandering soul without him! I practically am already, because like I have to go to summer school and none of my friends understand any of the issues I'm going through. I suffer so much but no one understands, or even listens! God it's hard. I think I'm going to go write a poem in black ink on black paper.

Also, this guy today, I didn't know him, walked up to me at the cafe at said something to me about eating out with me. I said sure, because he was cute and had his eyebrow pierced, and then he totally laughed at me and walked up! I have no idea what time he wants to go out to eat and I don't have his number, which is too bad because I wanted to eat out with him. But I wonder why he thought it was so funny?		  
     Read 4 - Post
 
day 2:crisis   
01:50pm 03/07/2005
 
mood: aggravated
Oh my god! I can not find my black eyeliner anywhere! I have looked like everywhere and it's nowhere to be found! I totally wanted to go out to the coffee shop and write some song lyrics but I can't go out without my eyeliner! It's like what seperates me from all of those other stupid rich kids who think they have a hard life but they TOTALLY don't. I mean, how can anyone tell how much I'm suffering if I just look normal?? I am so depressed. Good thing I'm wearing my water proof extra black mascara, because I think I'm going to cry.

One good thing in my life is that a bunch of old, dead poets have totally been nice to me! I've heard these people are really good too. Or, they were. I mean, I don't really read that much poetry besides my own, but I totally think it's cool that they write and are so famous! I knew I was going to be a good poet! I mean, why else would they talk to me?		  
     Read 8 - Post
 
day 1:gloom   
03:40pm 02/07/2005
 
mood: depressed
So I really want to make my journal black, but I'm not sure how because I don't know how to use computers really well. My boyfriend Eric is like training to be a computer mastermind...I wish he was here to help me. I love him so much, and thinking about not being with him makes me want to jump off a building in a sacrifice of love. But my dad said he can come visit soon so instead I'll just cry in my room with the lights off.

I am having a real existential drama right now. Today, my friend Dark Moon Child (her real name is Melissa but NO one but the teachers call her that) said I was totally goth. I so wanted to call her a bitch, but instead I went home and pierced my ear with a safety pin. My whole life is about the emo scene, you know, even though I'm like 15, I totally hang out at all the cool concert places until my curfew. I have dedicated the last 5 painful months of my life to being the best emo poet I can be, but if people think I'm goth, how am I going to face life? Don't they realize that there is a huge difference? Goths are really mean and scary, but Emo kids are the nicest people on earth. They go through such a hard time, especially when they live in L.A. where everyone hates them, but they still just want to be loved. I think tomorrow I will give D.M.C. a piece of my mind. Maybe I'll write a poem about it.

Goth is a worse insult
than bitch or slut
It makes me feel
like ice, my heart
is as cold and black
as a winter night.
But your piercing
remarks can't cut me;
I'm as emo as can be.

Yeah, that sounds good. I am so going to give that to her in math class.		  
     Read 21 - Post
 
 
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